HA!

Joxonu!

The only person I know

Who might eat the "Bacon Explosion" is Marko...

List

Of confidence schemes

Vegetarians have better sex

I can prove it!

International Delight White Chocolate Coconut

the best thing since sliced cheese. not even joking.

ps........sorry i have been neglecting you....JoxonU...................

How cool is this?

Bento box

Foodzie?

Not the same as a "Footsie"

Lookout for dominoes!

Srsly

We R goin 2 Dillian's!

The Sacramento Bee's Crime blog is a comprehensive report of crime news, trends and information for your community and beyond.

January 20, 2009

Bar fight in Lincoln costs one woman an ear, cops say

From Sandy Louey:

Lincoln police have arrested a 22-year-old woman for allegedly being involved in a bar fight that severed the ear of her opponent.

On Monday, detectives arrested Andrea Gabrielle of Lincoln on suspicion of mayhem. She was booked into the Placer County jail, according to a press release.

Police were called out shortly after midnight Sunday to a fight at Dillian's Bar and Grill at 605 G Street.

Officers said they found a 23-year-old woman who had fought with Gabrielle. The woman, who had a severed ear, was taken to Sutter Roseville Medical Center for treatment, police said.
Gabrielle had ripped off the woman's ear with her hands, police said. Doctors were able to reattach the severed ear, said Lincoln Police Lt. Terry Kennedy.

Gabrielle, who had fled the scene before officers arrived, was identified during the investigation, police said.

Categories: Arrests, Assaults

Last word of LOLCat bible

8 Mr. John sayz "it woz me! I saw all diz freaky stuffz! me!"
9 Teh birdKat sayz "you me, we bruvs k? luv teh Ceiling Cat nof me coz ai tow am liek Slave-kitteh to teh Ceiling Cat!"
10 Then birdKat says "this profissy, it all come true, here it comez, any second now, not long to wait, very soon"
11 "let bad kittehs be badz, let skanky kittehs be skankz, left left-handed kittehs be lefteez, let good kittehs be good"
12 Jebus sayz "incomingz!" (reelly dis time)
13 "Ai is First and Last and Always" (goff kittehs lov dis bit)
14 "Cheezburgrz be wif kittehs wot had a baff"
15 "Magic dogs are outside! Run awayz!"
16 Ceiling Cat's kitteh is shiny.
17 Uthirst? MAGIC TOILET!
18 Da BirdKat say: if pplz adz stuff to teh profetzi of book, Ceiling Cat make them sicz, leik sayed in book.
19 And if pplz photoshpz the Heliez Bibul, the Ceiling Cat takes pplz's cheezburger away, k?
20 BRB
21 Da grase of Lord Jebus Crist be wit u kittehs fer evr n evr Amen. Fer rlz. kthxbai! (Hai tis end! Srsly! No lai!)

More (4 yer playjerz)

Topic of conversation...

HOW TO LOOK AMAZING IN PHOTOGRAPHS
By Amanda Maxwell

Another up-and-comer, Amanda is Australian and she sent us something that can’t be translated into our non-English editions because it’s an extended riff on the pronunciation of the word “douche.” It’s taken from her forthcoming book Nobody Told Me There’d Be Days Like These, which will soon be available at serpspress.com.

Sometimes the world lets me in on its secrets. Not its important secrets, just its special little ones. The kind of secrets that help me to uphold a wonderful illusion of cleverness in the eyes of my friends and family.For example, I know how to look amazing in photographs.

A little while ago I took a trip on an airplane. Sitting next to me on the airplane was a girl with long hair and curled eyelashes. She was reading a glossy magazine.“Hey,” she said.“Hi,” I said.“Do you want to read this magazine?” she asked. “I’ve finished with it.”I was grateful for her kindness, as it wasn’t the kind of airplane with television screens on the back of every seat and I had made a bad choice of paperback in the airport news agency.“Okay,” I said. “Thanks.”The girl passed me the magazine.

On the cover was a photograph of Scarlett Johansson. In the photograph Scarlett looked especially amazing. I looked at her for a long time without opening the magazine, and while I looked at her, I asked myself a question that I often ask myself when I am looking at amazing photographs of beautiful ladies: How come you look that amazing?Her hair was all everywhere, eyes looking into my eyes, mouth doing that secret thing that model mouths do. It was amazing.I couldn’t bring myself to open that magazine; for an hour or more I just kept looking at the cover.

We had hit a little bit of turbulence and the girl beside me had turned white.“I get so scared on airplanes,” she said.“You’ll be fine,” I said and squeezed her hand. Then I went back to looking at the cover of the magazine.Outside the sky was dark and empty. When the turbulence had settled down, the air hostesses came out with wine and lemonade. And then an eerie thing happened: I heard a sound. Not an airplane sound or the sound of a glass being dropped, but something like a whisper. It was coming from somewhere very close to me. I looked at the girl beside me. She was asleep.

I heard it again. “Shhh,” it said. When I looked down I realized a very scary thing. The sound was coming from the glossy magazine in my lap. I picked the magazine up carefully and very slowly put my ears to Scarlett Johansson’s lips. And this is what I heard:“Dooooouuuche.” Just that single word.“Did you say ‘douche’?” I whispered in Scarlett’s ear, but the sound was gone.I drank my glass of wine in one mouthful. I wondered if this was what it was like to lose your mind.

Douche: a shower in French; not a shower in English.

I thought about an episode of Oprah that I’d seen a few years earlier. Oprah had been interviewing a gorgeous gynecologist who had just written a book on all things lady. The gynecologist was smiling and sharing fabulous feminine tips, more of which could be found in the book if you bought it. Suddenly, Oprah stood up and said, “You hear that, ladies? Don’t douche!”And the crowd went wild. They joined her in a chorus of “Don’t douche, don’t douche, don’t douche.” Fists punching the air.But on the airplane that day the memory seemed too good to be true and I couldn’t guarantee that I hadn’t made it up. Things were very strange.

The girl next to me was awake now and looked much better.“Thanks for lending me the magazine,” I said and gave it back to her.“You’re welcome,” she said. “Great cover isn’t it?”“It is,” I said. And then I decided to be very bold. “Hey, can I ask you a question?”“Shoot,” she said.I lowered my voice to a whisper. “Well, it’s a bit of a personal question, but, you see, I’m doing some research for a health magazine and I wondered. Do you, um… douche?”She looked at me in a sideways way and didn’t say anything. The photograph of Scarlett stared out at me from her seat pocket.“Sorry,” I said. “Let’s pretend I never asked you that.”“Okay,” she said, still looking at me in that sideways way.“Okay,” I said. I pulled my eye mask on in a hurry and faked sleep. This is what it is like to lose your mind, I told myself.

Douche: a shower in French; not a shower in English.

I guess I drifted off for a while then, because the next thing I knew the girl was tapping me on the shoulder. I pulled off my mask and looked at her.“I do,” she said quietly. “I mean, I have. I mean, I do sometimes.”“You do?”“Yeah, but only with Diet Coke after we, you know, do it.”“We?”“Yeah, dudes.”“Diet Coke?”“Yeah, so I don’t get pregnant. It kills sperm.”In my head I said this to myself: The girl with long hair douches with Diet Coke after she does it with dudes so she doesn’t get pregnant.“Thanks for sharing that with me,” I said.“That’s okay,” she said.“Will you excuse me?” I asked.“Sure,” she said.

In the airplane bathroom I splashed cold water on my face and dried it off with a paper towel. I looked in the mirror and noticed that I had airplane hair. Oh well, I thought. My eyes were bloodshot too. Never mind. I tried out Scarlett’s pose, a sleepy-eyed pout, but couldn’t get the lips right. My pucker was more like a dog’s bum. “Things are very strange,” I mouthed, still watching myself in the mirror. “I think a glossy magazine just spoke to me, and all it said was the word ‘douche.’”And that was IT. That was the epiphany. That was my moment of clarity. The big breakthrough. Eureka.I said it again, “Douche,” and as the word took shape in my mouth my expression became the expression of a model. I had the perfect pout. Then it was gone. I tried whispering this time. “Douche.” Gorgeous. And again. “Douche.” Amazing. Now I had the secret. Never again would I say “cheese” for the camera.

When I got back to my seat the girl next to me gave me a conspiratorial look. She leaned over.“You were gone a long time,” she said. “Were you, um, you know, in there?”“Sort of,” I said. And with my newfound peace of mind, I let myself fall into a deep sleep.When we finally touched down I was the third person off the plane. I remembered there being a photo booth in the airport terminals and bypassed the luggage carousel to look for it. When I found it, I ducked in, whispered the d-word four times for the camera, and found the results to be very pleasing. I looked amazing.

With the strip of pictures in my pocket and a lovely feeling inside, I made my way back to pick up my bags. I didn’t get far, though, before I passed a newsstand and stopped dead. On the rack before me there were thirty Scarletts midway through saying “douche” for the camera. Sophie Dahl was saying it. J. Lo was saying it. Even Gael García Bernal was douching. I felt myself blush and looked around to see if anyone else was seeing what I was seeing. There were people all around me, hurrying to and from airplanes, pulling luggage and children along with them. And not one of them seemed to notice.

And not one of them looked amazing.

Watchout

Youtube of SneakCat

Halp

Cake or Death!

Cakes

Tanx, Robbie!

From: me
Sent: Monday, January 05, 2009 3:10 PM
To: info@seaofdreamsnye.com
Subject: Sea of dreams NYE

Sea of Dreams promoters/staffers and organizers,

Congratulations on s super line up and a great Idea for a party -I wish the line management had been more professional (or that there had been any line/door management at all).

I propose that you refund our tickets due to the complete lack of line organization.

We arrived at 1030, will call, and didn't get in until 0100. The situation was unacceptable and unsafe, by any standards. I have partied for years and am cool with lines and "get here early" and all that. This was incorrectly managed to the point of breaking many laws -I think anyone and eveyone knows that.

Given that the product we recieved was not the product that was advertised ("we strive for perfection"), we are due a full refund directly.

Please advise,

Joh

From: Robbie Kowal robbiekowal@gmail.com
To: me
Cc: Paul Liebman ; Mark Petrakis spoon@well.com
Sent: Tuesday, January 6, 2009 1:33:27 PM
Subject: RE: Sea of dreams NYE

Hi Joh

Our sincere apologies for your troubles. The responsibilty is shared by all of those in charge and we have no excuses. Our goal was a beautiful NYE celebration for all of our guests and we obviously have a lot of room for improvement.

Paul, please facillitate a refund in full.

Additionally, if you see a Sunset Promotions event that you wish to come to in the future, Id be happy to put you on the guest list (if you can find it in your heart to forgive us). Please refer to this email (so I wont forget).

Otherwise, I hope you have a better New Year than the way it began.

Robbie Kowal
S.O.D.N.Y.E. 09a partnership of...anonEventsSunset Promotionsblasthaus

yolo county BIRD sanctuary continued.........

there were also majjjiccc musshhrrroommmzzz there..........but we just took a quick photo and ''peaced-out"..........

our trip to the Yolo County Wildlife (Birds) Sanctuary...

we found a new speeecies of animal/bird, the "brown aquatic quackaduck speeeecies beast"......watch out for them........you can try with all your might for them to fly away so you can get an "action shot" on your 6.0 MEGA pixle low-batteried Sony and they will totally just sit there, not moving at all.......they are beasts!

Sea of Dreams is getting pounded on Yelp

Yikes!!!

ha!

when we were the exhibit....

it continues to aid in our on-going venture to be discovered and picked up by a television series that is yet to be announced............ many thanks to the contributors that helped get us up on that ikea wall! woot!

where the heck are you?

we can't find you (for the life of us) and it makes me want you even more!

great stylings............

not the best movie in the entire world, but she had the best style i've seen in a LONG while! lots of hand-made beauties!

first pull up, then pull down..........

I agree......

When we are done ebaying our stuffs and such, then we shall rule the world with our joxe!

We should put some jokes on here!

After we finish our ebaying, of course...